To Be Free
by Suni Daughter of Moro
Summary: Sequel to To Be Alone. Alicia realizes that her relationship with Hiei is killing them both. Can they ever truly be free? And does being free necessarily mean seperation?


To Be Free

By Alicia Maxwell

"You self-centered jerk!" I shouted.

"What did I do?" Hiei demanded.

"You know damn well what you did!" I slammed the front door open.  "I'm leaving!  Don't you dare follow me!"

I stormed out of the house and up the hill to the clearing where I went to collect my thoughts.  This was the place where I first realized I had feelings for Hiei.  That's what made it the perfect place to come to when I had something to say about the relationship.

_~Lord, I know you can hear my thoughts.  It's me, Alicia, Goddess first class with no restrictions.  Lord, please, I don't want this anymore.  I say this for Hiei's sake as well as mine, I want to be free.  I want all ties to him severed, Lord.  I want to be free!  Please!~_

I sat quietly for a while, hoping to get an instant response.  The trees didn't speak and neither did The Almighty.  So, I tried again.

_~I want to be free.  I don't want to remain with Hiei.  We're not committed enough to stay together and we can't understand each other.  I want- no- I need to be free.  Please, Lord.~_

Again I waited for a reply.  And again, the trees did not speak.  And again, Almighty did not speak.  Yet, in my head, I heard volumes, but it was all me.  Thus I tried again.  However, I asked the trees this time.

_~Great trees of the forest, you beckon me to come here daily and listen to your unending knowledge.  Now I beseech you, I need guidance.  I want to be free.  I don't want Hiei anymore.  This relationship hurts us both too much.  I want to be free.  Please, hear my wish and speak of a resolution.~_

This time I waited silently for a much longer time than I had the previous two times.  After ten minutes, I started to hear the faint beginnings of the resolution the trees had to offer.  However, their answer to the problem was that I go back to Hiei.  Thus, I felt inclined to speak again.

_~I am afraid you do not understand, oh great trees of the mighty wood.  I come here for advice on how to sever the ties not to hold onto them.  I have seen it- Hiei suffers as much as I do because of our relationship.  We can't keep this up.  We need to be free.  To be free, wise ones who see all!~_

Again they spoke volumes and again it seemed irrelevant to me.  They spoke of the promise I had made to Hiei and Hiei had made to me that had been sealed with a kiss in that same clearing, a year and four months before.  They spoke of remaining together.  To me, they spoke pure and simple lunacy.

_~I want to be free!~_

Again they spoke of togetherness.

_~To be **free**!~_

Yet again they seemingly ignored my words and ranted and rambled on about how I had to stay by Hiei's side.

_~Mighty trees, I'm afraid I must challenge your wisdom.  The only possible solution to my problem is one that ends in separation from Hiei.  One where I am to be free.~_

The trees spoke in a soft cry, a muddled and complex response.  It made no sense and they talked circles around themselves.  Then I realized the reply was not a reply to _my plea for help._

Hiei sat at the top of the tallest tree nearby but I could still hear him speak softly to the trees, "That doesn't help anything.  I know I need her back.  I came to ask you _how to get her back."_

"Hiei!  Get down here!" I yelled.

"I wasn't looking for you, if you're going to yell at me for that," he said, flashing up beside me.  "I came here for advice but they aren't making sense with their reply."

"They didn't make sense when they replied to me either," I stated.  "I suppose this is their way of saying, 'Work it out amongst yourselves'."

"Okay then, you can go first.  Say whatever you feel you need to.  Get everything and anything off your chest.  Tell me everything, even if you think it may hurt my feelings," he insisted.

"Well… I feel like it isn't working out between the two of us.  I know you love me dearly and I return the feeling with equal enthusiasm.  However, I feel that our being together hurts us both too much for it to be allowed to continue.  I think it's about time for the two of us… to be free."

"'If you love something, set it free,' right?  You humans speak nonsense with that statement.  If you love someone, you should remain dedicated to them and stay by their side for the rest of their days.  You and I belong together, Alicia.  Separation is an impossibility," he said.  "Whatever problems we face, we will always face together.  That's what it means to be free."

"What?" I blinked.  Whatever his definition of freedom was, it seemed to be the opposite of mine.

"To be free, you always need another to be there.  A caged bird needs someone to open the lock for him before he can fly free.  You always need the help of another to see that your freedom is protected."

"You make perfect sense Hiei.  Though you really don't sound like yourself, you make perfect sense," I laughed slightly.  "Tell you what- I'd like to make a new promise.  Right here, right now."

"What promise is that?" Hiei asked.

"I, Alicia, goddess first class with no restrictions, do solemnly swear to protect your right to be free and remain by your side forever."

"And I, Hiei, do solemnly swear to protect your right to be free and remain by your side forever."

We sealed the promise with a kiss.

"Let the light protect the shadow," I whispered.

"And let the shadow protect the light," Hiei replied.

"Let's go back home Hiei," I said.  The two of us got up and headed back down the hillside.

_~Let the light protect the shadow… and the shadow protect the light**[1]**.~_

  


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[1] This is part of the oath sworn in "Oh! My Goddess!" when a goddess and a demon join lives in the doublet system.  I use this in an attempt to show the dedication between Hiei and myself.  Tell me how well my idea worked.


End file.
